i don’t have anything to write today. nothing on my mind. i’m too tired.
i’m tired always thinking about you. thinking about how we can’t be together. or i don’t have any chance to be with you. i don’t know. i never know.
it’s never be your fault. it’s mine. so many thought in my mind, scrambling to the edge of this brain. waiting their turn to jump over a conclusion.
sometimes i want to give up, give everything to be as what it belong. give up to all of this war, leave this shitty battlefield. going back to my cave. heal this scars.
but sometimes there’s a tiny voice in my amygdala that said “hold on. face your fear. kill it with your bare hand”. but i never good at any combat. too much bruised i’ve got from earlier battle. the wound that never healed. i think i need more time for that.
but does it worth?
does it really worth the scars?
i never know.
i try once. i try twice. i still considering thrice. i already allow it. give the privilege to hurt me. give permission to break mine.
however, it is already broken. so, what’s the point?
should i prepare my battlevest once more? or should i give up and just take a bloody rest?